You have to get lost before you can be found
Have you ever heard the saying, "You have to get lost before you can be found?" Yeah, I thought that was crap too. But that's exactly what happened to me.
I was lost. Like… crying in my car, banging my head against the wheel, clinging to a fortune cookie quote like it was my life's last hope. I was an "actress" in Los Angeles working as a delivery driver at night. That means I delivered food from fancy Beverly Hills restaurants to really rich people. So naturally, being an overachiever, I couldn't help but feel like I wasn't living to my potential. The few acting jobs I booked were wonderful but the in-between was killing my spirit.
Let me quickly say, I know I am fortunately and it could have been much worse. I wasn't homeless, starving (definitely NOT starving) or suffering from an incurable illness. But regardless, I was still lost. My life wasn't progressing like I had hoped. And that was disappointing. Meanwhile, all of my friends back home were getting married, having kids, buying houses and making the "normal" transition into adulthood.
AND I WAS DELIVERING FOOD...
While maybe getting one or two auditions a MONTH. Managing my apartment building just so I could get a rent reduction. Being told by my manager that my butt was too big and I needed to start a juice cleanse. And drowning in student loan debt that will be paid off when I'm 94. But let's be realistic, probably 97.
So… with that said, during my deliver runs, I would usually snag the fortunate cookies out of the customer's bag. On pins and needles, I would crack open the fortune cooke like it was a magical crystal ball that would lead me down the yellow brick road to happiness. Obviously, it didn't. It's a fortune cookie. There's a reason they give them away for free.
I moved on to my fiancé for answers. Surely he would know what to do with my life. I laid restless in the bathtub. He said on the counter just listening. I must have vented for 30 minutes without a peep from him. When I finally stopped to take a breath and see if he was even awake, I noticed his face was white. He sat silent for several moments and then simply said, "If your life was a good item, it would be a sloppy joe." I laughed… briefly. And then I cried. Even though I had been with my fiancé since my freshman year of high school and he knows me better than ANYONE in the world, I knew he couldn't fix me. This was something I had to do for myself.
As a last resort, I started making a list. A list of everything I loved and wanted to do (aside from acting). After much internal digging, my list came to this:
- Be creative
- Charity work
- Empower girls
- Build something I believe in
And there it was. It just clicked. This would be the start of Every Ella. A company I knew I had to create to achieve all of the above. Every Ella is a lifestyle brand for empowering girls through fashion and fundraising for charity.
After over a year of working my night job, saving every penny, writing, editing, sampling, brainstorming and driving myself crazy, we LAUNCHED and the real work began! No, most of my struggle aren't immediately solved. I still have to make money doing random jobs to get by and invest in the company. I still have student loans. I still manage my building. I still have a sloppy joe style life. And that's okay. Because I am happy.
Well, one problem is solved. I fired my mean manager. Bye, bitch.
I would have never been here without my mini-quarter life crisis. One of my friends was worried about me being so open and honest about my struggles, because Every Ella is all about empowering girls. But I think it's important to share that you don't always have to be strong and perfect. In fact, it's just not realistic.
Life will undoubtedly knock us all down at some point. The most important thing is that we get back up. That's what Every Ella helped me do. She is my baby (obviously a girl). I have high hopes and big dreams for her. And I believe we CAN change the world…